Ted’s Game

With the pseudo answers they deserve from yours truly

The internet is an interesting entity, it’s certainly the world’s best place to find certifiable idiotic nincompoops, all naive, semi-illiterate and mostly fully ready to share their most intimate silly dirty secrets. So I took the liberty of trying to meet the needs of those touched by the three following situations (in my own way); perhaps it will show them the way before embarrassing themselves by posting their feeble minded relationship insecurities on very public forums so mean sexist pigs like me can deride them as morons.

Number 3 (the cheating boyfriend legend)

Should I marry my cheating boyfriend? It’s not like he gets away with it because I catch him every time!

should i marry my boyfriend of three years? even though he cheated on me numberous times and lied about it and i caught him everytime.

< female, United States, age 18-21, anonymous >

Ted’s answer: My dear anonymous girl, normally I would say yes, marry the asshole and take him for all he’s worth the very first time he slips, but it’s obvious to me by now that you don’t possess the required social skills, people knowledge or even the deepest intellect in the whole world. So I say - as long as you PLEASE stay away from reproduction - take this guy to be your lawful wedded husband. You probably deserve to be cheated on, no offense.

Number 2 (can you make the gay straight?)

My boyfrind might be gay! What am I going to do? Can I make him straight?

Im so worried My Boy Friends Gay,
Im his first GirlFriend and he always used to get teased and called gay, and resently he told me hes not so sure him self!
I dont know what to do! he says he loves me, but if he was gay i dont know how id cope with losing him!
is there any way to make him straight!?!
i think the best idea is to surport him even if he does deside he likes guys…..but..
please tell me what to do!

< female, United States, age 22-25, anonymous >

Ted’s answer: Of course you can make him straight again. All you need to do is go back to that school you dropped out of, learn basic English, read a couple books, act smart, be beautiful, be successful… What? No can do? Then I’m sorry to say this: your man there would rather blow Ghandi before holding your hand.

Number 1 (the incest master)

My nan and his pop are first cousins! Would this affect any future children we may have?

Please help.
my boyfriend and i have been together for 5 years and have just found out that my nan and his pop are 1st cousins. we are devestated and wondering what problems there will be if we decide to stay together and have children???

< female, Australia, age 22-25, anonymous >

Ted’s answer: There will be no problems, rest assured. I am quite certain that in the kind of family you guys kept breeding there, there will be no problem if your children look like the two above `aight mate? Perhaps if you have a boy and a girl you should make them marry each other, you know, just to close the circle?